Monday, April 30, 2012

Prom


Saturday night was the senior prom for my daughter, Hunter.  We had a big group over to the condo to shoot pictures.  It's so amazing to see these young people looking so grown up and I'm sure feeling so as well.  I clearly remember my senior prom, graduation, and grad night at Disneyland.  I felt grown up back then too, little did I know how much there would be to learn, still learning.  It made me feel happy for them that the opportunities are endless if they seize them.  As my youngest moves toward graduation and college next year I can only hope we did a good job in raising our kids.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Casanova Cowboy---excerpt 12

I was shaking as I drove away.  I watched him standing at the curb in my rear view mirror until I turned the corner.  It wasn’t what I expected.  Not my feelings to reveal themselves like that or his sense of fear in hearing them.  I wanted to cry and the tears wouldn’t even come.  What was I thinking?  That he would be happy about my feelings?  He would feel the same?  Oh my God, you stupid girl, resounded in my head.  I managed to get all the way home before I threw up in my carport. 
My answering machine was blinking when I came into the condo.  I pressed the button to listen.
“Morgan,” he paused “it’s Ryan.  I wanted to make sure you got home okay, call me,” his voice played out and stopped.
I sat down on the floor next to the bed and rocked myself.  I took a risk and expressed my feelings, feelings I hadn’t even clearly identified until tonight.  When the phone rang it startled me, I looked at it afraid to answer.  I let the answering machine get it.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Lot of Laughter

          One of my best friends is in town for the weekend.  She thought timing might be bad with the move and all but actually it is just what I need, a lot of laughter.  Makes me forget about all that needs to be done and focus on the now.  I cried at lunch yesterday we laughed so hard.  She asked the passing bus boy for mustard and he pointed across the room.  We could clearly see the condiments on the shelf but were dumbfounded as to why he didn't go get it for her.  We both looked at each other and then Sue shrugged her shoulders and got up and went and got the mustard.
          "That's weird," she said sitting back down.
          The bus boy scurried back over and said in broken English "I'm so sorry I thought you said restroom".  So we decided through our laughter that maybe her accent was not so easily understood by him.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Casanova Cowboy--excerpt 11, Mom


           “Not like that.  At first Max was exciting because he chased me, wanted me, Mathew never did that.  Like most girls I was in love with the idea of love.  Then real life comes in.  Do you still love Dad, Mom?”
            She started to make a salad, washing the iceberg lettuce and putting it on the counter next to the sink to drain.  I realized she never specifically taught me but I washed lettuce the same way.   I watched as she cut the tomatoes and then sliced red onion, moving back and forth to the refrigerator, stepping around the dogs now lying in the middle of the floor.
            “Sometimes,” she answered honestly.  “Sometimes not.  When you’ve been married as long as we have, things change.  It comes and goes.  Right now it’s sort of gone.  Your Dad travels so much that we get our space and keep it together.  There’s no place either of us wants to go right now.”
            “How sad,” I said.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Another chapter finished, new chapter

While another chapter has closed in our life, a new chapter has opened.  I look forward to what's to come.  Goodbye 5850.

Casanova Cowboy paperback version

The first print the cover was not right.  We worked to correct it and now it is.  Moving has cut deeply into my writing which makes me frustrated but had to be done.  Now organizing in new places will come into play but no deadline there, so it will have to be done slowly---around my writing.  I have a ton to do in the next few months.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Casanova Cowboy--excerpt 10


          We crawled in bed and turned on a movie.  I cuddled up against him and he draped his arm around my shoulders.  He ran his fingers gently up and down my arm.  Like this, when we were away from the world, it worked.  Months ago I realized it wasn’t practical to think it could be just us, the world was out there, and in it too much temptation for him.  Mathew didn’t understand what I meant, but I knew.   He hadn’t been able to convince me otherwise.   The phone woke us in the morning. I reached across Mathew to answer it.
          “You two all rested?” Ryan asked.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Me

Casanova Cowboy--excerpt 9

The minute I saw Mathew I knew I was going to do exactly what Gayle cautioned me against.  I saw him from across the room and watched him as he moved amongst people greeting and talking.  He’d cut his hair shorter but it was still blonde.  He was tan, which brought images of us at the beach rushing back.  I looked for a girl, a blonde, but didn’t see one with him.  I saw him toss his head back and laugh at something that was said.  I felt a tightening in my heart.  When he finally turned and saw me our eyes locked and he walked directly towards me.  I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he came across the room.  When he got to me I realized I was holding my breath.  He grabbed me in a hug and spun me around. 
          “Mathew,” I half heartedly protested.
          “Morgan, you look marvelous,” he said putting me down.
           I looked into the blue eyes I'd looked into so many times, on so many levels, and they sucked me in just like they always had.  My feelings for him rushed at me like a fast moving train.  I felt a little dizzy

Rio Hondo

Rio Hondo was the street I grew up on.  There are a ton of memories from that street.  I was there from the time I can remember until fifteen, me in the making.  Last night I got a phone call from one of my first crushes.  Both of my serious crushes played with my emotions but never became a boyfriend in the legit sense. 

I think a lot when I wake in the morning and I pondered this as I lay in bed early today.  I wondered why that was.  Had I not been good enough, pretty enough, what?  Then I thought about what Steve said last night; he wasn't raised with a father in the house so he decided he had to be tough, come off as tough, which he did.  He didn't want to show emotion, didn't want to be vulnerable.

If I hadn't thought this through before I realized it wasn't me, way back then, it was them.  The two boys had their own stuff going on, emotions that had absolutely nothing to do with me.  I gave them both too much credit for thinking deep thoughts like I was.

People shape us, help make us who we are.  In so many ways I have to thank both those young boys because they made me strong, made me a survivor, helped shape who I am.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

No fun

Moving is no fun.  Going through closets you put stuff in six years ago and have done nothing with since--argh.  The office and photo closet were yesterday and now everything is sitting in boxes waiting to go to 1. temporary condo, 2. cabin temporary storage, 3. long term storage.  Just keeping that straight is a challenge.  Closets seem endless.  I think we are close and then think I am fooling myself.  Yesterday we moved a whole huge trailer full to storage, of course in the pouring rain.  Weather is not helping us at all.  We have final push on Tuesday when movers come to get the ultra heavy stuff.  Sunday is our twenty third anniversary and we are taking some time Saturday night and Sunday to celebrate--a night away in Salt Lake where we aren't sleeping on the floor, breakfast out where I don't have to plan or cook.  It will all get done as it usually does but man what a chore.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Boy in a Band--remembering

Avaialble on Kindle for .99 for a short period of time

5 years today

It has been five years since the boy/man that inspired BOY IN A BAND passed away.  He is missed by so many.  He was an awesome musician and I promised myself at his celebration of life that I would write, that I would follow my passion, and keep after it, like he did.

First book

As I packed yesterday I came across what might be one of my first books.  I didn't date it when I wrote it but the best I can remember I was about twelve, so 1972.  It is a children's book called TOMMY TURTLE TAKES A WALK, bound and illustrated with pictures I drew.  It's about a turtle that takes a walk around the zoo and discovers other animals that are far different from him.  It made me smile to think I really did start so long ago.  The passion for writing has been building for a long time without me even aware of it so much of the time.  The stories have always been building in my head.  With BOY IN A BAND (Amazon, iTunes, Nook) and CASANOVA COWBOY published (Amazon) I will be working on getting GEM RATS published in the near future.  And children's books?  Well they just may be in the future too.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Cutting into writing

Moving is cutting into my writing and it makes me uncomfortable.  The further I get away the harder it is for me to go back and grasp the thread I was running with.  Today I have too much to do but I am going to take at least a couple of hours this afternoon and write.  By the end of this week I hope to have the other foot out of the house and just the dregs left to handle---big issue, getting the office moved.  Did I mention we're moving twice, once to a condo temporarily until the snow melts so we can actually get to our cabin, then to the cabin.  The only good part is you do go through things and get rid of them---I haven't gotten to my closet yet----argh.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Casanova Cowboy--excerpt 8

          “You know I’m right,” I said. 
         “You look tired,” she said, the mother in her coming out.
          “I am.  We had to sleep together last night.”
          “You slept with Ryan last night?” she asked shocked.
          “Not slept that way Mom.  In fact I didn’t sleep well at all.  We could only find one room and it had a king bed.  Ryan slept in his sweats between layers.  He slept like a baby.  Me on the other hand, I felt tied down by the covers, like I couldn’t move.”
           She started to laugh and didn’t stop.  I watched as she laughed so hard tears ran out of her eyes.  I let it go on a few minutes.
          “What is so God damn funny?” I finally asked.
          “You.  You are funny.  The things you do.  I’m sorry it’s just funny,” mom said.
         “I’m so glad I can entertain you,” I said.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Boy in a Band--3 a.m.

I used the bathroom, brushing my hair and teeth, washing my face.  Mathew wasn’t back when I finished.  I lay down on the bed in my clothes listening to the party continue upstairs.  I started watching the clock, fifteen, twenty minutes, an hour.  I picked up his guitar and strummed it, this wasn’t cool.  I heard the blonde laugh.  I thought about leaving and realized I was stuck.  Tired of waiting I looked for something to throw on as a nightgown.  I found one of Mathew’s t shirts in the dresser.  I undressed and put it on.  I felt weird getting into this strange bed alone.  I closed my eyes thinking he would be there any minute.  The longer I lay there the madder I got.
            Was that why he was anxious, anxious to party?  I couldn’t stop analyzing.  When he crawled into bed I glanced at the alarm clock, three a.m.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Casanova Cowboy--excerpt 7

I watched as Ryan scraped the snow off his ski with his pole as we rode up the chair lift.  We had arranged to met and ski together a few days earlier.  He was being rather quiet.  I felt it might be because he had seen me out with a bartender we both knew.
         “Ryan how come you don’t have a girlfriend?”  I asked.
         “I don’t know, haven’t had one in a long time.  Guess maybe I don’t want one.  Better question why do you keep a boyfriend you’re not sure you want?”
         I had to think about it for a minute.
         “I miss him sometimes, but I’m not sure if I miss him or miss someone.  He knows me.  The guys here are just having fun with me, nothing serious.  Does that make sense?”
         “Sort of,” he said.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Las Vegas

My husband and I scooted down to Vegas and spent a few days poolside, it was beautiful and in the 80's.  It was good to get that little boost prior to all the upcoming madness of moving by the 24th.  We drove home yesterday in wind and rain so back to chilly, at least not snow.  I wrote all the way on A HORSE NAMED JOE and had a good day of writing.  I love that when it flows easily.  I have maybe three to four more chapters to go and then I will finish the first draft.  I'm excited about getting it finished and going through it a second time---when I can read the story from start to finish.  Have lots of new projects running around my head----looking forward to those too!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Boy in a Band--excerpt--on the beach

The last night at the beach we took a long walk.  The sun was low in the sky, the light reflecting off the water in beautiful shades of red and orange.  We walked in silence, listening to the ocean, me bending down to pick up rocks and sea glass as I spotted them.  He got ahead of me several times as I dallied and I would hurry to catch up to him.  I could see his blonde hair blowing in the breeze, he had grown it back out.  Not like the band long, just to his shoulders.  I liked it.  He reached his hand out for me as I approached and he laced his fingers in mine.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Casanova Cowboy--excerpt 7

The ski trip couldn’t come fast enough for either Liz or me.  We were both ready for a break from the boys.  Liz and I had been pretty wild teenagers.  We’d done a lot of playing and partying by the time we met Max and Dave.  In a way, the two of them had calmed the two of us down a few degrees. 
In the weeks leading up to our trip we were both feeling the need to bust out, to be reckless and wild.  We knew we would be far enough away that nothing would ever get back to them.  We planned on having ourselves a good time.  Pat picked us up at the airport in Salt Lake.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Casanova Cowboy--excerpt 6

I hadn’t come to San Jose with any intent of being with Mathew.  I envisioned us catching up at the wedding, no doubt dancing together, possibly some flirting, and the rest of the weekend spent with Gayle.  The intense, sometimes insane, feelings I had for him I chalked up to being young, and yet now I had to rethink that.  I had walked into the wedding determined to keep my head on straight and he had changed that instantly.

CASANOVA COWBOY is a sequel to BOY IN A BAND however both can be read independently with no need for one to get the other--however if you like the characters both are fun reads.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Casanova Cowboy--excerpt 5

When we made love it was with the intensity of old.  He was all I could see.  The guilt feelings I thought I should feel never surfaced.   We spent the next few days and nights together, completely immersed in each other.  It made me sad to have to leave him and I dreaded going home.  As I lay in Mathew’s arms I tried to compare my love for him to my love for Max and realized there was none, they were completely different.  On our last night together I called mom at the O’Conner’s to confirm details for the next day.
        “Where are you?” she asked quickly following her initial hello.
        “Why?”
        “Cause I tried to reach you at Gayle’s.  She told me you were with Mathew.  Did you not go back to her place after the wedding?” she asked.
        “Yes, to pick up my luggage.  I’ve been with Mathew ever since.”
         “Morgan,” she said sharply.
         “I know Mom, but I couldn’t help it.  You know how it’s always been with him.”
        “Yes I do, like a moth to a flame,” mom said.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Casanova Cowboy--excerpt 4

San Jose had been much more progressive than Escondido.  Most of the girls I knew from there were having sex by fifteen, many much earlier.  Drinking and drugs were abundant, and partying was the norm.  It was not only a teenage thing but a sign of the times; you saw it on the news quite often.  The loosening up of morals started in the sixties with the hippies and progressed quite easily into the seventies, and was sliding into the eighties.  What started as a rebellion against society now seemed to be socially acceptable.  I didn’t hold much back from my mother anymore.

Paperback

CASANOVA COWBOY is now available in paperback, in addition to the Kindle version, on Amazon

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Casanova Cowboy--excerpt 3

The reception was in what they called a hall, a big white square building with little character.  It was decorated inside with ribbons and bows in an attempt to make it look festive.  A band played in one of the corners.  The lack of atmosphere was made up for in the level of the celebration, people dancing, toasting, and partying.  The alcohol was flowing freely and I stayed longer than I planned because Randy and I were having a good time dancing together.  At first I was nervous this would get back to Max but as the evening progressed I no longer cared.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Downloads

CASANOVA COWBOY was free yesterday on Amazon.  There were 405 downloads.  Hopefully some of those downloads actually get read and they want more.  I hope to have the paperback version out this week--last obsticle working on the spine.